Feeling Our Emotional Bodies

The author of "The Art of Effortless Living" is a counselor and she recounts the story of Richard who had a problem w/blocking how he felt...

...he didn't particitpate fully in his relationships, and the women he lived with used him to their advantage, resented him w/o understanding why, got tired of him and dumped him. Richard had to practice getting in touch with his feelings, and at each session we did this in the same way. When I sensed that he was in his head too much and was just reporting, I would stop him and ask him to tune in to his body, take his time, and tell me how he felt in his body. He was learning that our emotions are in our bodies, not our heads, and if we want to get in touch with them, that's where we have to go.

Here are other quotes from that chapter:

Talking about our feelings is reporting on life, but being in our feelings is living life. In order to feel our feelings, we have to stop spinning on our endless merry-go-round of activities including the gabbing about feelings that can be a substitute for feeling them. We have to pause and wait, and take the time to let the feeling emerge, whether it is from our chest, our throat, our belly or some other part of ourselves. We have to stop performing and just be.

We're meant to experience our feelings so we can let them go. We're meant to experience them so that we learn that there is nothing inside of us that we have to fear.

When your body collapses, assume that there are emotions there that need to be acknowledged.

When we release feelings, we stop acting them out on other people...Instead of blowing up or withdrawing from the people who hurt us, we find it easier to tell them matter of factly where we stand, or even to walk away from the situation w/o residue of rancor or resentment.

Living well is about keeping the lines of communication open.

Appropriate release involves taking responsibility for letting your feelings out. Inappropriate release means venting your feelings on someone else.

I think I've learned to avoid emotional expression as much as possible. I've gotten better about it when I'm alone, but have a ways to go when it comes to being transparent and in the moment in front of others. I can report my feelings, but it takes conscious effort to be vulnerable. I think it takes more energy to try to control it rather than letting my feelings flow.

My 2 biggest reasons for keeping feelings to myself are lack of trust and believing it doesn't really matter to others. I guess it's been passed down from generation to generation. People are uncomfortable with feelings. We feel that as we grow up and so we learn to hide them away. Because those around us are unfamiliar w/handling emotions, they ignore them (as if they don't exist)...and maybe that's what has given me the idea that my emotions are unimportant, too much to handle, and make others uncomfortable.

I guess there's also this fear of becoming one of those people who spill their feelings all over the place...indiscriminately, to anyone who will listen. They drain us. But that's where the author distinguishes between appropriate and inappropriate release of feelings. The people who seem to hijack us into listening to them are releasing their feelings inappropriately.