Okay, so I found out about the 60 day freshetarian challenge a few weeks back and I thought, "That'd probably be profound, but I don't think I could hang for 60 days". I kinda put it in the back of my mind and wasn't hearing much about it at the yoga studio...until last Thur. when I found out about some seminars they were having over the weekend. So yesterday I decided I wanted to at least find out about the food part in case I wanted to go in that direction. But I told the guy that I didn't decide to do it yet. It seemed more manageable since they added a 30 day option.

I went this morning and sampled some raw foods, heard a few lectures and people shared their personal stories on why they decided to go raw. And now I'm thinking that I'll commit to the 30 day Bikram yoga challenge part...and do my best on the food part. I haven't figured that part out yet. There's a place that is working with the studio to deliver meals for $20/day...that might be the way to go for me since I don't know if I'll prepare my own food.

Things seem to be still working themselves out. I think the chiropractor at the studio wants all the participants to get measured so we can see the before and after results. There will be a filmmaker recording peoples' stories - kinda like the opposite of Supersize Me. It's supposed to start on Mon. so I guess I have a day to figure out my gameplan. My biggest concern is the food.

Maybe I'll stop by the Raw Foods near my house or research online on what I can prepare at home. I think it'll be good to buy some prepared foods and then make some myself so I learn about it. Even though doing 30 days of yoga will make a difference, one of the speakers said that nutrition is key in how our bodies function. I'm curious to see if my flexibility will improve quicker as I change my diet. My hamstrings and low back aren't very flexible and there are several poses that I have trouble with.

The morning started a little after 9am and I got home around 5pm. There was a lot of new information for me. Some of the stuff I was familiar with, but lots of nutrition - enzymes, digestive process. And some other scientific stuff like pH, energy, DNA, Hz, etc. There's so much to learn, but it was neat to meet knowledgeable people in the area. There was an iridologist (sp?) who looks at people's eyes and can give a history on that person - kinda like reading the rings on a tree trunk. He mentioned being able to get rid of some people's gray hair through minerals. I think my grays are mostly due to lack of nutrition. I remember being in Okinawa and thinking that my hair was changing because of the change in diet.

So it'll be interesting. I've known for a long time that I need to make changes in my diet, so this may be the opportune time to get that push. At the end of the talks, David had a hat to give away, but didn't know what to do so he decided to throw it (like the bridal bouquet toss!). And I got it!! So now I feel a little obligated to commit! =)

I didn't know Vegas had an area like this other than Lake Las Vegas. There's another area called The Lakes off of Durango and Desert Inn. So the Go Raw Cafe is here and we were able to have the seminars on the patio next to the water. I'd like to have any of these homes!

Ended up going to the Grammy Museum yesterday. First I went to go pick up a lamp and then made my way over to downtown. I got to one parking lot but it looked like you had to have a pass to get in so I asked the guy and he said the lot just opened and the signs weren't put up yet. But I could park there and the museum was just across the street. So I parked and walked. I haven't been to the Staples Center since it became the Staples Center! I think the last time I was there was for a Laker game back in 1980-something!! Lakers vs. Jazz.


In the middle was an electronic Christmas tree. And it looked like it was being set up for some kind of performance. Stage, speakers, mics, etc.

And on the sidewalk, there were a bunch of these types of plaques.

I think I was in the museum for a couple of hours, but I could have easily spent more time in there. They had a lot of filmed interviews and narrations of the history of music, the recording process, song writer's perspectives/inspirations. I went into this sound booth where you could hear song samples played with different equipment. Chris Brown played on an old phonograph or cassette tape! It wasn't crowded at all. And no classrooms in there =). I would go again.

Yesterday I ended up meeting Wendy for lunch at Sanuki no Sato just down the street. Debbie told us that they have the best nabeyaki. I heard it's always crowded...and it was! But we got seated right away and I think it was the best nabeyaki I'd ever had! The dashi was so flavorful, there was lots of seaweed inside and they had kamaboko, bamboo shoots, shiitake mushrooms, egg, shrimp tempura...everything was so ono =).

I was going to find an antique store or go buy the lamp, but I decided to take a drive towards the coast and I ended up in Manhattan Beach...

I sat on a bench on the little pier listening to music on my phone and I had a book, but I didn't read much. I just took in the ocean air and sun, enjoying the sights. All those poles on the beach are for volleyball nets. There were a few groups playing while I was there. This guy was on some kind of board paddling away...

This is the little pier I was on before. I thought it was a good idea that the benches along the pier all faced outward...makes much more sense.

I'm planning to go to the Grammy Museum today, but I'm killing time now since the traffic is backed up because they closed part of the Hollywood fwy because of a shooting early this morning. Since being back in LA, that awareness of surroundings is coming back to me. I never really feel scared in Vegas, but I do in LA. As I've been driving around, I sense more of a boldness in people. They will look directly at you as if to puff out their chest at you. I see men checking out women with more obvious stares. And I just feel that people are more likely to be provoked here if they get a wrong look from you.

And the freeway driving here takes a little more concentration for me. So many more freeways to choose from! But I am a California girl and this feels like home to me.

Still sitting in Starbuck's and I'm listening to the CD I got from Wendy's parents. It's the music from one of the Korean dramas - Summer Scent. I don't think I've watched that drama. My brother and sister-in-law have been watching them at night. But if it doesn't catch their attention during the first episode, they give it back and ask for another recommendation. They seem to like the ones that have more complicated story lines.

This was a bad week to try to stick with writing 3 pages in the morning. It's hard to be disciplined while on vacation!

I needed to be outside today. I would have liked to be sitting in a cool coffee place in SF, or walking in a museum, or in an old antique store, or on the beach...but I settled for the Starbuck's patio up on Horizon Ridge. It's got a fair view and it's spacious. When I sat down, it was 75 degrees and after a few hours, it went down to about 68. Still warm even though it's the end of Nov. No complaints from me =). I was able to read and finish "The Artist's Way"...finally! I'm gonna go through it again and do the exercises.

I think I need to work through it and see where it leads. There's a pattern in my life where I become dissatisfied and restless. Not all the time, but sporadically. Today I kinda felt like that. I get the feeling that I'm not doing what I'm meant to be doing. There's something more I need to be doing...maybe not something more, but something closer to my heart.

It's like I have trouble accessing what's in my heart so I have trouble moving towards my heart's desire. It's probably more accurate to say that I know what's in my heart, but I'm not allowing myself to admit it and go there. "The Artist's Way" addresses these blocks we have - and that's why I want to really work through this book. I want to get through barriers and myths and fears.

I admire people who are clear on their likes and dislikes; who are passionate and enthusiastic and can express it freely. I think I picked up the idea somewhere that I'm not supposed to show my feelings. Even though I've been changing, I have a ways to go. I think writing has been my saving grace.

Quotes from "The Artist's Way"...

"Creativity is oxygen for our souls. Cutting off our creativity makes us savage. We react like we are being choked."

"We are not accustomed to thinking that God's will for us and our own inner dreams can coincide. Instead, we have bought the message of our culture: this world is a vale of tears and we are meant to be dutiful and then die. The truth is that we are meant to be bountiful and live...Our truest dream for ourselves is always God's will for us."

"While we are ambivalent, the universe will seem to us also to be ambivalent and erratic...Once we trigger an internal yes by affirming our truest goals and desires, the universe mirrors that yes and expands it."

"Mystery is at the heart of creativity. That, and surprise. All too often, when we say we want to be creative, we mean that we want to be able to be productive"

"God is glorified in the fruitage of our lives." Joel S. Goldsmith

The weekend seemed a little busy. I went to yoga Fri. morning and met a friend for lunch at Vintner's. It was hard to find, but I eventually made it and the food was really good. A bit pricey, but worth it. I had the caesar's salad and bouillabaisse. Didn't do anything in the evening since my back was aching.

I made an appt. to get a massage the next morning. It was just what I needed - I asked her to work only my back, forearms and shoulders if there was time. After that, I went to look at flooring, bathroom stuff and ended up walking around the whole store. I came home to meet with a guy who I'll probably ask to put the flooring in for the extra room. I want to learn too so I asked if he'd show me what to do so I can help. I got ideas from him about the extra room and bathroom so after we were done, I went to another place to look at flooring.

I was thinking all this time that I wanted laminate. I was drawn to the Brazilian cherry (can't remember what colors these were)

But then I saw some tile samples and I started to wonder if I liked the tile better...

I liked this one with it's rustic look...you can't tell from the picture, but each tile has a slightly different shade or blend of colors so it's not so uniform.

So now I'm thinking of going with tile in that extra room. Today I picked up some color sample cards for paint. And I also looked around a home consignment store just to get ideas. Most of the small tables, lamps, chests that I liked were $200 and above. I won't be able to get everything at once.

It's hard to imagine how everything will look together. I like certain things, but I don't know how they'll go with eachother. For the bathroom, I want to get a vessel sink - I saw a cobalt blue one I liked. But instead of it sitting right on top, I want it sunken in maybe halfway. I have an idea of what kind of faucet, but again, not sure if they'll go together. I guess that's where professionals come in handy - they can tie things together or modify to fit your taste.

I remember getting the backyard done, I showed the landscaper pictures of things I liked and he came up with a plan that I liked. I had mapped out in my head where things could go, but he filled in the details.

Well, I'm getting hungry now so I'll stop so I can make something to eat...I feel like having nabe tonight.

I dug up a couple of Rolfing books because Suki told me she was reading one from the library and was planning to buy a copy for herself so she could mark it up. I thought that I might have them from years ago, but wasn't sure. Since I've gotten rid of so many things, I had to look. Sure enough, one was in my closet and one was in the garage! I gave her one and the other one I'm feverishly reading before I see her next! I probably won't finish it, but I want to get through as much as I can.

I got those books right after finishing school because I was most interested in Structural Integration. But I never got to reading them, so I figure it's best to go to someone who will use it now. It's an interesting read.

I'm intrigued by the physical/psychological/emotional/spiritual connection. I've been drawn to things that have to do with healing, but have never quite been able to find that place that seems like home. I've been interested in psychology, but never wanted to be a psychologist. I thought at one point that I'd like going into physical therapy or chiropractics. I've thought that I might be gifted in intercessory prayer. I was told that I may have the gift of healing. I've experienced times of prayer where my hands would shake uncontrollably.

Now I wonder if being a therapist will weave everything together for me. I want to learn more about healing through bodywork. Not just on a physical level, but on a deeper, more lasting level. I wonder if belief systems can be reached from a physical avenue. I'm praying that God will guide me to that "home". I want to be able to use any gifts I may have for His glory and to bless and free those I come into contact with. Not that I need to see all the results, but I want to be a part of peoples' healing and journey to health.


From "Rolfing and Physical Reality" by Ida Rolf

"This is the gospel of Rolfing: When the body gets working appropriately, the force of gravity can flow through. Then, spontaneously, the body heals itself."

Hopefully I will do some reading this weekend. Reading seems to plant my feet on the ground. I guess it depends what I read...probably why I choose to read books that are reflective in nature. It seems like in the process of letting one's creative side free, you need to recover some lost things in yourself. The last chapters I've read have been on recovering a sense of strength and compassion. There are things we tell ourselves as we develop and that we carry with us until we sort out for ourselves what is true and what is false.

"The Artist's Way"

Pain that is not used profitably quickly solidifies into a leaden heart, which makes any action difficult.

One of the most important tasks in artistic recovery is learning to call things - and ourselves - by the right names. Most of us have spent years using the wrong names for our behaviors. We have wanted to create and we have been unable to create and we have called that inability laziness. This is not merely inaccurate. It is cruel. Accuracy and compassion serve us far better.

Finding it hard to begin a project does not mean you will not be able to do it. It means you will need help - from your higher power, from supportive friends, and from yourself. First of all, you must give yourself permission to begin small and go in baby steps. The steps must be rewarded. Setting impossible goals creates enormous fear, which creates procrastination, which we wrongly call laziness.

There is only one cure for fear. That cure is love.

Fear...I wonder what life would look like w/o fear. It seems to be what drives people to do extreme things. I mean extreme things in a potentially harmful way. I believe love drives people to extremes too.

When I cook (yes, it does happen from time to time!), I like to start with a clean kitchen and I typically clean as much as I can as I go. And it irritates me if I come home and want to cook, but there are dirty dishes around...because then I feel like I need to clean everything first before I can start. I just like to have room.

And I think I feel like that with space in general. When I have a cluttered room, I don't feel like I can move forward. Recently, I feel unhappy with my environment at home. It feels stagnant. There's no forward movement. I need to find the little things I can do to change what's around me. I'm focused on cleaning this weekend. I feel like if I clean, other things will open up for me. I will feel comfortable with starting something new. I don't know what that new thing will be, but I will be ready for it.

At first, I wanted to organize my life this weekend - do some evaluating and map out some steps to get to some specific goals. But now I think that maybe I just need to start clearing things out in the house and that will help free up my mind and make things clearer for me. Right now, I feel like there are so many things I want to do and I'm having a hard time prioritizing and clarifying. It's like going through a purifying/isolating process.

I used to work in an immunological lab and one job I had was isolation. I would get a batch of animal blood that had been developed to build up antibodies to a certain antigen. So my job was to take out everything else from the blood and leave the specific antibody in there. I would filter it, concentrate it, test it to see what else needed to be removed and keep going through that process until the product was pure. Even though it was a tedious process, it was satisfying to end up with a concentrated, pure product.

And that's what I want in my life. I want to remove unnecessary, distracting things and end up with a concentrated, pure life. I've always wanted a simple life. So instead of trying to reach and build that ideal life (as if I need to obtain something new), maybe what I need is to purify what I already have. In other words, God has already given me all I need for life so I just need to remove the obstacles.

Michelangelo said that he released David from the marble block he found him in. There is one sculpture that I want to find where it looks like a man emerging from a block. I don't know if it's by Michelangelo (I think it is). But I remember first seeing that somewhere years ago and it's always stuck with me because it depicted such a strong, vibrant man emerging from a simple, ordinary, almost lifeless block.

So instead of thinking of all the changes and remodeling I want to do in the house (and my life), I will focus on clearing out what I don't need and enhancing what is already there. Somehow, that puts my mind more at ease and the task doesn't look as daunting. A good place to start.

More quotes from "The Artist's Way"

For those of us who have become artistically anorectic - yearning to be creative and refusing to feed that hunger in ourselves so that we become more and more focused on our deprivation - a little authentic luxury can go a long way.

Art requires us to empower ourselves with choice. At the most basic level, this means choosing to do self-care.

Because artistic losses are seldom openly acknowledged or mourned, they become artistic scar tissue that blocks artistic growth...The unmourned disappointment becomes the barrier that separates us from future dreams.

"Surround yourself with people who respect and treat you well." Claudia Black

"Man can learn nothing except by going from the known to the unknown." Claude Bernard

Just as a player who ignores a sore muscle may tear it further, an artist who buries his pain over losses will ultimately cripple himself into silence.

From "The Artist's Way"...

Dependence on the creator within is really freedom from all other dependencies. Paradoxically, it is also the only route to real intimacy with other human beings. Freed from our terrible fears of abandonment, we are able to live with more spontaneity. Freed from our constant demands for more and more reassurance, our fellows are able to love us back without feeling so burdened.

I went to yoga this morning and the teacher said one of the students was forbidden by her husband to mention yoga after she had been going for about 2 months. He was so tired of her talking about it. I can understand because once you start going, it feels so good that you want everyone to know about it and benefit from it. I've done yoga before, but Bikram Yoga is quite different for me. When the husband asks his wife where she's going, she tells him, "To the Y" =). The teacher told us to just imagine the person we want to join the class in the room on a mat next to us.

My stomach feels squishy today...I want it to be firm and toned. Some of those teachers make me smile. One teacher said, "Smile, it's just yoga" - that was funny to me...it's just yoga. Don't take things too seriously and don't make things too difficult. Ok.

At one time, I liked to imagine myself as a writer. Having a house somewhere with a beautiful view of the ocean or woods - somewhere peaceful where I would spend mornings with coffee and writing. I haven't thought about that in a long time. But I still want to write. Everyone has a story to tell. I wish I knew my dad's story. I feel like I want to write it down, but it would take some digging around to uncover it. He wasn't the kind of man to talk about himself much. Or maybe I should just try to do a fictional version about him...never really tried that before...

"I'm sorry...I love you." Was that the first time she was hearing those words from his lips? He got up and hugged her tightly. She definitely didn't remember ever being hugged like that from him...ever. That's the moment her relationship with her father began to change.

When I got my oil changed, a man walked into the waiting room but I didn't look at him because I was reading a book. He spoke with the service guy and he sounded like he was mid-50's, almost 60 years old. So I was surprised when I did see his face and he looked like he was in his late 20's, early 30's! How could a young guy sound twice his age?!

That's all I have to say for now! =)

Went to yoga this morning and after I showered I ate some leftover Chinese. I read a little, and then dozed off to sleep. I've been very sleepy today. Matt didn't call me back so I guess he's not making it today.

A very, very, lazy day today. The past 2 times the yoga room wasn't as hot. Usually I'm sweating so much that I can't grip my leg without having to wipe it with a towel. The room is supposed to be around 105 degrees, but I don't think it was today or yesterday.

The temp is cooling down here - under 100 =). 5 degrees cooler and it'll feel just about right! It already is starting to feel a little chilly in the evenings for me - that's what happens when you live in Vegas for 10 years! Can't believe it's been that long.

I feel like eating a hamburger now...with fries and a shake. But I'm afraid I might not feel so great if I eat that since I haven't had it for a while and because I'm cleaning out my body with all that yoga I've been doing. Well, let's do an experiment and see what happens! =)

The day has been good so far...I still want to get more stuff done though. I picked up Suki and we went to yoga this morning, then I came home, showered and took some stuff to Goodwill (TV, lamp, clothes). I went to get my car washed, but there was a long line so I went to Costco to put in gas and came back to the carwash place and the line was even longer! so I came home, ate, paid some bills, balanced my checkbook, and I'm about to go out to get my oil changed and go to Trader Joe's. I want to pick up some oatmeal. I might stop by and see if the carwash is still crowded.

I need to mail out some checks, re-order some checks, do laundry and clean up the extra room. Matt is supposed to come over tomorrow to look at the room - he's gonna put some ashiatsu bars up for me.

I feel like I can take a nap, but I'm afraid if I do, I'll be up late tonight or wake up in the middle of the night.

I haven't taken a personal retreat in a while...oh wait, I think it's been a year. I went to Mesquite at the beginning of Sept. I feel like I don't have a strong direction in my life. I'm improving my life, but I want to deepen it.

Sometimes sadness comes and I don't know why or where it comes from. I feel it now. I felt it for a moment in yoga. I wonder if it's something being released within me. I have suppressed so much in my lifetime. I have never felt depressed to the point of not being able to function. In today's class, the teacher said something about some poses triggering release in some people. I can't remember exactly what she said, but it makes sense to me.

I want to take some time out to pray and read...maybe even fast. I feel shallow.

Today and yesterday I didn't have to wake up to an alarm =). Trying to get fit takes a lot of time and effort. Since going to yoga, I feel like I haven't had much time for anything else. I guess because I've been going on my work days and I've also been trying to practice ashiatsu. I have to remember that I'm burning a lot more energy so I need to eat more. The last time I went to yoga was on Wed. and I felt like I didn't have as much energy in class. I've just been eating like I was before. So I'm going to try to get more protein and eat more frequently. I don't want my body to waste away to nothing (not much danger of that!). I think I see a little difference in my hamstrings. They're always really tight and kinda bulky - but I think they're starting to lengthen ever so slightly =).

I want to buy more fruit today...I've been on a fruit kick lately. Plums, white peaches and white nectarines. And I've also been on a tomato soup kick =) - Roasted red pepper and tomato soup and I drop some pinenuts in there and then have that with a piece of bread.

Looking forward to the weekend. Nothing really planned...just relaxing. Maybe pull out that gigantic weed in the backyard =S then lay out in the hammock with a book =). I think it may be time for me to do a personal retreat soon.

This video is from Communitychannel and she's talking about her theory about jogging in the morning..."I keep seeing bodies" haha! she cracks me up =D




I'm glad I don't jog in the morning. In fact, I'm glad I don't jog at all. I've never liked jogging or running unless it was disguised in some kind of sport like basketball, softball or tennis.

I feel pretty good about the progress I've been making this year. I wanted to get fit and look better. I want to be at my best. Be authentic and comfortable with myself. The past few years have been taking care of family matters, finances and working on the house (cleaning/fixing). So this year has been about me =). I still have more to work on, but I feel closer now. I got my hair trimmed on Fri. and Heather was so excited about how my hair is growing out. She said it was looking nice and healthy. I can feel the difference too. I got 2 compliments on my hair this weekend from strangers. =) All that coloring and highlighting was weakening my hair, so my hair feels stronger now.

I had a somewhat productive day today. It got me in the mood to get things done. I made my list of things to do so I hope to finish off the list this week. I kept getting sidetracked so I didn't cross off as many things on my list.

Going to yoga early tomorrow so I better get to sleep...ja ne.

Today was an excellent day. I went to Bikram Yoga (yoga done in a hot room - 104 degrees) this morning. I picked up Suki at 7am and we met Ali there. It was the first time for me and Ali. The class was from 7:30 to 9. I have never sweat so much! I couldn't do a lot of the poses and I had to rest because I didn't want to push myself too far; but it felt great to work hard. I did a lot of the stuff and I'm looking forward to getting stronger and more flexible.

I dropped off Suki at home, went home to shower and then she came over to teach my mom Korean. While they were doing that, I finished getting ready for work and then copied her Duffy CD...I'm listening to it now =). I really like this CD. I bought her song Mercy, but after I heard the CD in Suki's car, I wanted it! After they finished, we went to eat chirashi and agedashi tofu at Sushi Avenue. We've been going there quite a bit. The fish has always been so fresh and the chirashi is just right.

Since I didn't have to leave for work yet, we went shopping. Then I went to work and she went on her way. It was a good day. I'm going to buy a membership at the Bikram yoga place tomorrow. I want to go at least 3 times a week. I still want to go to the gym for cardio and weights.

Gonna start going to sleep earlier so I can wake up earlier...so goodnight. No Japanese dramas for me tonight! =)

I'm finally feeling better - just about 100%. I'd say 98% right now. I still have to clear my throat throughout my day.

Yesterday, I told my mom that I'd take her out for her birthday today since I work on her birthday, Tues. She wanted to go for lunch instead of dinner - so we went to PF Chang's. We had the Vegetarian Lettuce Wraps, Almond and Cashew Chicken, Shrimp w/candied walnuts and the Combo pan fried noodles. Then I dropped her off at GVR so she could pick up the football cards while I went home to drop off our leftovers, and then I drove back and we stayed about an hour to gamble. I donated $20.

I was so tired after that - so I ended up sleeping a few hours. When I got up, I went to the grocery store.

Oh, in the morning I watched the last episode of "Long Vacation". In one part, Senna's teacher told him that he's the kind of person who wouldn't use the word "lonely". And that when he plays the piano, he needs to break through his wall and find someone to play for. It made me think that I may be that type too. It made me wonder why it seems hard for me to fall in love. Some people seem to do it easily, but I either run away or give up too quickly...maybe? When I meet someone that I'm a little attracted to, I don't think about pursuing him or trying to get his attention. What would happen if I did? I guess my thinking is a little old fashioned - I think the man should move first. When we went out last Thurs., one of my co-workers told me that when she first met her boyfriend, she told him, "Just to let you know, you're my new boyfriend"! I thought it was cute...and bold =).

Love and relationships...they take up so much of our energy and time.

Almost a full week since my congestion really set in. But last night, I put my head over boiling water and added some frankincense essential oil and took as many deep breathes in as I could. My co-worker suggested it because she said I may have a sinus infection and the oil is a great antibacterial. She first suggested lavendar, but I don't have any. But last night, I felt a little better and this morning I'm hopeful that I'm going to fight it. I also took extra vitamin C and she said I should take zinc, but I just took my multivitamin. I was getting mad last night because I wasn't getting better.

I'm going to work out this morning and sit in the sauna for a bit. When I don't feel well, I feel trapped. I want to do more, but I know I need to rest. And with congestion, my mind doesn't feel clear.

My hair is getting longer. I need to wear a headband when I work out so my hair won't cover my face. I'm still ok leaving it down for work though. I get a trim next week just to clean it up.