Productivity. Whether it's impacting another life, or creating something new, or finishing a specific task, I value productivity. Maybe to a point that it defines who I am and who others are in my mind. Not that I consider myself a super productive person, but I think a lot about how I might improve on my own productivity...someday...when all the stars align...and I'm in the mood (and not watching "So You Think You Can Dance"!) =)
I've been struggling with the question of why it upsets me to see my mom watch DVD's aaaaalll day long. What does it matter to me if she's doing something she enjoys? She's not hurting anyone, is she? But it would really bug me to walk by the living room at any time of the day and see her in the same spot 4 hours ago...6 hours ago...8 hours ago!
To the point that I just want to scream! Why such the dramatic impact on my psyche?! I could feel the judgement starting to build inside me. "Why doesn't she do something useful w/her life?". "Is this really how God wants her to spend her time?".
How is it that her actions could affect my activities? I just don't want to be home, or I want to just sulk in my room. Why? Because I can't change her or her actions?
And then I started thinking that I should look at it as a challenge. Even though there's this obstacle and great energy force of apathy sitting in the living room =P, I will overcome that hurdle and be productive in spite of this dismall environment.
Am I over estimating Productivity? Do I need to learn how to let it go? Do I need to accept myself (and others) as being non-productive? Of course, there are times for both and there needs to be balance. Is there ever such a thing as non-productivity anyway? Even if we're laying around, that may be serving as a time to renew the body. Or by distracting our minds by watching movies or TV, maybe that is serving to protect us somehow?
But we need to know when those seasons are over. Just like my backyard, different seasons call for different watering schedules. And we need to be able to read the signs (weather conditions, plant appearance, etc.) to be able to adjust accordingly. And everyone's season is different.
