From "The Artist's Way"...

Dependence on the creator within is really freedom from all other dependencies. Paradoxically, it is also the only route to real intimacy with other human beings. Freed from our terrible fears of abandonment, we are able to live with more spontaneity. Freed from our constant demands for more and more reassurance, our fellows are able to love us back without feeling so burdened.

I went to yoga this morning and the teacher said one of the students was forbidden by her husband to mention yoga after she had been going for about 2 months. He was so tired of her talking about it. I can understand because once you start going, it feels so good that you want everyone to know about it and benefit from it. I've done yoga before, but Bikram Yoga is quite different for me. When the husband asks his wife where she's going, she tells him, "To the Y" =). The teacher told us to just imagine the person we want to join the class in the room on a mat next to us.

My stomach feels squishy today...I want it to be firm and toned. Some of those teachers make me smile. One teacher said, "Smile, it's just yoga" - that was funny to me...it's just yoga. Don't take things too seriously and don't make things too difficult. Ok.

At one time, I liked to imagine myself as a writer. Having a house somewhere with a beautiful view of the ocean or woods - somewhere peaceful where I would spend mornings with coffee and writing. I haven't thought about that in a long time. But I still want to write. Everyone has a story to tell. I wish I knew my dad's story. I feel like I want to write it down, but it would take some digging around to uncover it. He wasn't the kind of man to talk about himself much. Or maybe I should just try to do a fictional version about him...never really tried that before...

"I'm sorry...I love you." Was that the first time she was hearing those words from his lips? He got up and hugged her tightly. She definitely didn't remember ever being hugged like that from him...ever. That's the moment her relationship with her father began to change.

When I got my oil changed, a man walked into the waiting room but I didn't look at him because I was reading a book. He spoke with the service guy and he sounded like he was mid-50's, almost 60 years old. So I was surprised when I did see his face and he looked like he was in his late 20's, early 30's! How could a young guy sound twice his age?!

That's all I have to say for now! =)

Went to yoga this morning and after I showered I ate some leftover Chinese. I read a little, and then dozed off to sleep. I've been very sleepy today. Matt didn't call me back so I guess he's not making it today.

A very, very, lazy day today. The past 2 times the yoga room wasn't as hot. Usually I'm sweating so much that I can't grip my leg without having to wipe it with a towel. The room is supposed to be around 105 degrees, but I don't think it was today or yesterday.

The temp is cooling down here - under 100 =). 5 degrees cooler and it'll feel just about right! It already is starting to feel a little chilly in the evenings for me - that's what happens when you live in Vegas for 10 years! Can't believe it's been that long.

I feel like eating a hamburger now...with fries and a shake. But I'm afraid I might not feel so great if I eat that since I haven't had it for a while and because I'm cleaning out my body with all that yoga I've been doing. Well, let's do an experiment and see what happens! =)

The day has been good so far...I still want to get more stuff done though. I picked up Suki and we went to yoga this morning, then I came home, showered and took some stuff to Goodwill (TV, lamp, clothes). I went to get my car washed, but there was a long line so I went to Costco to put in gas and came back to the carwash place and the line was even longer! so I came home, ate, paid some bills, balanced my checkbook, and I'm about to go out to get my oil changed and go to Trader Joe's. I want to pick up some oatmeal. I might stop by and see if the carwash is still crowded.

I need to mail out some checks, re-order some checks, do laundry and clean up the extra room. Matt is supposed to come over tomorrow to look at the room - he's gonna put some ashiatsu bars up for me.

I feel like I can take a nap, but I'm afraid if I do, I'll be up late tonight or wake up in the middle of the night.

I haven't taken a personal retreat in a while...oh wait, I think it's been a year. I went to Mesquite at the beginning of Sept. I feel like I don't have a strong direction in my life. I'm improving my life, but I want to deepen it.

Sometimes sadness comes and I don't know why or where it comes from. I feel it now. I felt it for a moment in yoga. I wonder if it's something being released within me. I have suppressed so much in my lifetime. I have never felt depressed to the point of not being able to function. In today's class, the teacher said something about some poses triggering release in some people. I can't remember exactly what she said, but it makes sense to me.

I want to take some time out to pray and read...maybe even fast. I feel shallow.

Today and yesterday I didn't have to wake up to an alarm =). Trying to get fit takes a lot of time and effort. Since going to yoga, I feel like I haven't had much time for anything else. I guess because I've been going on my work days and I've also been trying to practice ashiatsu. I have to remember that I'm burning a lot more energy so I need to eat more. The last time I went to yoga was on Wed. and I felt like I didn't have as much energy in class. I've just been eating like I was before. So I'm going to try to get more protein and eat more frequently. I don't want my body to waste away to nothing (not much danger of that!). I think I see a little difference in my hamstrings. They're always really tight and kinda bulky - but I think they're starting to lengthen ever so slightly =).

I want to buy more fruit today...I've been on a fruit kick lately. Plums, white peaches and white nectarines. And I've also been on a tomato soup kick =) - Roasted red pepper and tomato soup and I drop some pinenuts in there and then have that with a piece of bread.

Looking forward to the weekend. Nothing really planned...just relaxing. Maybe pull out that gigantic weed in the backyard =S then lay out in the hammock with a book =). I think it may be time for me to do a personal retreat soon.